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Sunday, January 4th, 2009 | Tweets | No Comments

Sweet Jesus, it’s finally 3 minutes to 5:00. Longest. Day. Ever. #
My logic in deciding to be at work tomorrow escapes me at the moment. It will be a miracle if I can drag my tired ass out of bed in the AM. #
Dammit! I’m not making any resolutions to stop fuckin’ swearing. #
I have to loosen my belt a notch. That might be a bad way to start off the new year. #
Happy freakin’ new year, bitches! #
Washing the new skivvies. Can’t remember the last time I bought so much underwear… oh yeah, never. #
Is it bad that I can’t drink ANYTHING containing peach schnapps and not think about brain hemorrhages on Halloween? #

Sunday, December 28th, 2008 | Tweets | No Comments

Despite feeling like a stuffed pig, I still have room for one more cookie. Must start diet… Next week! #
I don’t have the heart to tell my mom her perfume makes her smell like an old lady. :( Should I tell her? #
Well, I finally did it. I finally tore the ass out of my favorite jeans. Admittedly, they were pretty ratty, and my butt has grown a bit. #
For the two times a year wrap presents, I can’t ever find the damn tape. I probably have 4 rolls hidden in stupid places! #
Feeling a little bah-humbug, and wishing this fucking laundry would do itself. Maybe a cocktail would help. #
Husband is trying to guess his Christmas gift. So far the most elaborate guess: robot jesus santa doll. Santa cracks open to reveal #
Swag from office White Elephant Gift Exchange: A 10-pack of men’s razors. Great! Just the thing to slit my wrists with! #

Sunday, December 21st, 2008 | Tweets | No Comments

Despite some serious douchebaggery in the part of other drivers, I made it home in one piece. #
Was going to shovel my driveway after work. Decided to go to happy hour instead. #
Making a video of the 5 minute vmail might be a bad idea. After listening to it a second time, I realized I work with that person. OOPSIE! #
Got an awesome message on my work vmail: an accidental 1am call wherein two catty bitches argue with each other for 5 minutes. #
“I generally am a lazy bastard who wants to get the job done as fast as possible just to be able to be lazy again.” — Gert Wiescher #
Somehow I came up with some new and creative ways to injure myself this weekend! #

Sunday, December 14th, 2008 | Tweets | No Comments

I can’t watch as the contractors move my expensive sideboard curio. Heart. In. Stomach. #
Watching the snow fall outside my office window, and listening to the destruction occurring in my kitchen. #
My cat, George, is painfully clingy when I’m home all day. Dude, I love you, but don’t you have a catnip toy to dool on or something? #
Fell asleep on the couch listening to Christmas music afer dinner and two eggnogs. Never got to decorate the Tree. There’s always tomorrow. #
FTW?? Tell me why my default search engine is google.co.uk! And my browser just tried to correct my spelling of favorite to be favourite. #
This dark, snowy/rainy day calls for some noise-cancelling headphones and a long list of smarmy lounge music! #
Wishing I owned more skirts — as if I need more clothes! :) #
I’m beginning to think that making Christmas cookies on Saturday was maybe a mistake. It’s now Tuesday, and there are only 3 left. #
Lunch will have to wait a while. I have a 12:30 mtg, and I was just looking up photos of thrombosis for a recent project. Who’s hungry? #
Dear Monday, You are no friend of mine! #

Sunday, December 7th, 2008 | Tweets | No Comments

Efforts at finding an alternate outfit for tomorrow (preferably one the hubby won’t turn up his nose at) were unsuccesful. Out of options. #
Drat! Husband made the sour milk face when I showed him what I was wearing to my holiday party tomorrow. I guess I’m going shopping now. #
There’s got to be something I can do to get myself in the holiday spirit. So far, I’m not feeling it. #
There’s a blockade along my path of being awake. It’s called 4:00. Zzzz. #
I have the overwhelming urge to bake Christmas cookies. #
I am finally home. And just in time to finish my book. #
It appears that I am finally going home. Can I get an AMEN? #
I am so sick of this airport. My jaw is sore from all the tension clenching. I want to go home already! #
I’ve never considered myself to be agoraphobic, but there are SO many people at O’Hare, I started to freak out. Plus, I’m 3 hours early. #
Going to the Chicago Art Institute Museum, and then hopefully going home. #
I have a major problem, I lost my lip balm among a sea of businessmen, and my lips are falling off. #
Took off my shoes tonight and the aroma completely offended me. I guess that’s what happens when you run around like crazy for 4 days. #
Looks like I’m stranded in Chicago until late Monday night… Flight is cancelled due to a storm that hasn’t even happened yet! Grr! #

In denial that my many, insidious grey hairs are growing in. Never mind that I look like a skunk right now. I curse my premature genetics. 15 hrs ago
Slow, irritating, and overly-chatty cashier at Kohls wonders why there's a long line at her register... Hmm, I wonder! 16 hrs ago
One more bad thing about holiday weight-gain: going back to regular eating schedule and feeling hungry all the time! 1 day ago
It's review time at work. I'm having a hard time coming up with things to say in my self-review. Can't I just write: "I'm awesome"? 1 day ago
There are few things more annoying than an itchy brassiere, but damn it's cute! 1 day ago
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