Just call me Smurfette
I know I’ve said it before, but how many times do I have to reiterate my stance on having children before I turn blue in the face?!? I can’t seem to go two days without having some discussion about it or being pelted with baby-this or baby-that. Egad!
On Saturday, I needed to run out to Babies ‘R Us to buy a friend a gift for her shower on Sunday. The modern hipster-chick would have ordered something from the online registry weeks in advance, but I was lazy and waited till the day before the event to venture out for a gift. Being in that store felt like being thrown to the wolves — like some stupid sitcom where the writers put the heroine in a paradoxical situation that results in wacky hijynx. Those kinds of shows always piss me off because they are moronic and predictable, so I turn them off.
So, there I found myself: alone, among receiving blankets and binkies, diapers and desitin. I was utterly overwhelmed and extremely uncomfortable. I grabbed the first thing I could find on the 13-page registry (a jungle-themed, musical crib mobile), and high-tailed it out of there. Normally, I would have picked out a thoughtful, heart-felt gift, but I wasn’t in the mood for leisurely browsing. I can’t remember a time in my life where I felt more estranged and uneasy except, perhaps, when I went away to college for the first time.
Fast forward to Sunday. I’m at the shower, surrounded by coo-ing women. I was already a little miffed that the shower fare consisted of nothing but unadulterated carbohydrates: chocolate chip cookies sandwiched together with peanut butter and dipped in chocolate, mini cheesecakes, brownies, biscotti, three different layer cakes each in a different flavor, chocolate mousse, lemon poppyseed cake, and a thousand other sugar-treats — no cheese, no pepperoni, no vegetables, and not a drop of diet soda! Even the ice cubes were made of fruit juice. There was enough sugar to send all 20 women into diabetic shock.
Sorry, back to the point. While there, I fielded several questions from enthusiastic mothers asking me when Mike and I would start having kids. “Oh, you’d make great parents,” or “you’re young, you have plenty of time yet,” and “I’m so glad I had them while I was still young.” There was even someone who misheard part of a conversation I was having and butted in, “Oh that’s great! You’re pregnant too?” To quote Susan Powter, let’s stop the insanity, people!!! We will have kids when we’re good and ready, so lay off! In the mean time, for everyone who asks, we’ll add another year to our selfish, child-free life.
